Lord of the Rings in AP Gov Class
by woodenrice
Summary: ...I just can't take anything seriously. Features my crazy AP Gov teacher Mr. Himes! WOOT!


(A/N: This idea originates from my AP Gov't and Politics teacher Mr. Himes. Now, you must understand that Mr. Himes is a very interesting character; he's an old man with corny jokes and has probably seen his fair share of some porno magazines. But that's ok. Because he's amusing. Another thing you must know is the famous Himes Line. When he asks the class a question and no one answers, he looks at us over his glasses and says,"Did yuse people read?" So let's see how the Lord of the Rings cast fair in his class...)

Mr. Himes stood in front of his computer, which affectionately has been nicknamed 'The Beast', in the empty history classroom waiting for his new students to arrive. He had restarted The Beast in hopes that the damn thing might actually start working, but there was never much hope for that evil thing: it had, unknowingly to it's owner, pledged its allegiance to the Dark Lord Sauron for all things evil, especially bitchy computers, did his bidding. Just as the Blue Screen of Death appeared, a few of the students came into the room. The teacher didn't look at them right away for he was busy with The Beast, and only heard some people walk in and sit down. When he turned his attention away from the computer that never really was a 'people person', he started.

What appeared to be four young, rather short boys were seated in a group near the door. Mr. Himes was simply taken away by how short they were. Did they really go to the middle school and just somehow get messed up in their schedule? Were they child prodigies that were too smart for middle school? Are the people on the Eastern Shore inbreeding, therefore causing genetic mutations such as high school boys never growing to be more than 4'5"? Did they really just have this class and happen to stand to his thigh? Whatever their reason for being in the class was, he didn't ask them. Mr. Himes thought to himself, '_Midgets with pointy ears in high school, the things kids think of these days..._'

He was about to go back to check on The Beast because it had made a funny beeping noise that sounded much like a fierce battle-cry being cut off since it's battle-crier had just gotten a spear shoved into their throat when a few more students walked in. Two girls walked in, although one of them didn't sound very feminine when she talked and he soon noticed that they weren't speaking English. However, it seemed to be an almost animated conversation about combs and hair-care products as they kept flipping their hair this way and that. It was actually more like an argument. One of the small boys made a comment that they must be talking about who was prettier and Mr Himes heard two very strange names. Another one of the boys, who Mr. Himes took to understand the language the taller girls were speaking, nodded his head in agreement. He was really starting to believe this was some cruel joke that the guidance office had decided to play on him.

Glancing down at the student register list, he quickly realized this was just the beginning of weird names; he couldn't even phantom how to say some of the schools they had come from. Peregrin, Legolas, Faramir–where the Heck are these people from? Thankfully, the guidance office had given him a folder of these students including pictures and a pronunciation guide. Peregrin Took and Meriadoc Brandybuck were the two of the four midget boys who were eating what appeared to poptarts, although they were rather pasty poptarts; The two girls gawked at them for a few seconds in which they managed to scarf down at the least fifteen more of these puppies. Mr. Himes looked down at their papers and noticed they had a record of doing stupid things as well as stealing food from the cafeteria. He also noted that there were, in fact, only two females in this class and only one of them was present at the moment.

At this point, Mr. Himes was extremely confused.

However, he was beginning to understand the "I'm the Prettiest" argument.


End file.
